listen to this

— Carolyn Lehman on Friday, January 19th, 2007

Here’s something well worth checking out. Dr. Kathleen Brooks’ Breaking the Conspiracy of Silence broadcast on her Ethical Life website is a weekly Internet show dedicated to “providing a safe forum to get informed, share and participate in preventing, recognizing and reacting safely to child sexual abuse.” A psychologist and survivor herself, Dr. Brooks interviews authors, researchers, survivors and others involved in child sexual abuse treatment and prevention.

This week’s show was a thoughtful and intimate conversation with Julie Brand, author of A Mother’s Touch, a book about mother/daughter incest.

stay tuned

On Wednesday, January 25—from 2-3 Pacific Time—I’ll be Kathleen’s guest. We’ll be talking about Strong at the Heart and about sexual abuse survivors in books for teens and children. I hope to spend time on why these books are needed, how Strong at the Heart came to be, and some of the back stories of the people in the book.

If you miss the live interview, you can listen from the show’s main page until the next Wednesday.

After that, our conversation will be downloadable from the archives.

BTW, the archives contain some real jewels, in depth dialogs with leaders in the field including Margot Silk Forrest on having a happy life after abuse and Dr. Vincent Felliti, author of the Adverse Childhood Experience study. His groundbreaking work links childhood trauma to physical health outcomes in adulthood and has provided the data needed to show that child abuse is a public health issue of staggering importance.

what’s next

The author on January 31st is Saydah Zekee, who will speak on child sexual abuse in the African American community. I am bookmarking this site as a great resource.

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who you are

— Carolyn Lehman on Thursday, January 4th, 2007

You might be a first time visitor to this site, or an old friend coming back to see what’s happening with Strong at the Heart, or someone who needs information now.

It’s been a year and a month and a week since this website went up and I started this book blog.

Blogging—as many have observed—is both an intimate and an annonymous experience. Well, I’ve chosen to not be annonymous. But who are the other participants?

Who comes to this website? Besides you, who reads this blog?

feedback

Of course, I hear from many of you via email and posted comments. So I know my sister visited the site when a friend asked her for a good book on sexual abuse for very young children—the day after I put up the review of Mia’s Secret.

Several adult men have written about the effect of reading the book or seeing the photos. As one put it, “This is the first time I have looked into the face of another man who was sexually abused.”

Researchers and librarians write to say they find the booklist helpful. Teens trying to get out of abusive situations, survivor activists, therapists, concerned parents, children’s book folks–you are a varied group of correspondents. I enjoy hearing from all of you.

what you want

My stats program lets me see what terms visitors have typed into the search engines that bring them to these pages (but not who the visitors are, of course).

stories of strong teens
child abuse true stories
how do you heal from sexual abuse
recovery from molestation
Marisca Hagrity (our pages are linked—she recommends Strong at the Heart!)

The above are some of the most frequent search terms. Then there are the heartbreakers:

how to get help for teen offenders
help for sibling abuse
how to stop incest
can kids heal from molestation

These are the courageous kids and adults who are looking for resources and referrals. It’s a privilege to be a stop on their journeys.

Then, of course, there are a few lost souls looking for sex sites. But I figure that anyone who makes it here may encounter information they didn’t know they needed to find.

where you go

After this blog and the home page, the most popular pages are books and films and favorite websites. But a constant stream of visitors explore all the pages. The help pages are popular as is the order page (thank you!) and the bio page (go figure!)

where you come from

Links, of course, bring me a lot of readers from sites like Wikipedia where Tony Sandal started an excellent—although constantly changing—book list. Rape Crisis centers link to these pages, as do book blogs and interviews like Cynthia Smith’s excellent pages on children’s authors. Awards lists also bring me readers. And I’m always happy to see new blog links and feeds.

Search engines postfixes include uk, ca, de, ie, ro, in, no, pl, th, se, il, fr, tr, es—and on and on. Some hits come through translation services. The readership is truly world wide.

namaste

When I started blogging I thought I would simply record the first year in the life of the book. But plans have a way of changing.

I didn’t even notice the first year anniversary (October 27th) I was so busy preparing to speak at Healthy Teen Network, California Library Association, and the Instituto Familiar de la Raza in early November.

Interest in Strong at the Heart is—well—as strong as ever. The readership on the site continues to grow. The book is selling well and reaching new audiences. I learn so much from the people who write to me.

So I’m keeping on.

Thanks to you for reading. And thank you to all who write in. I am grateful for every person who makes it to this site.

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a little off topic

— Carolyn Lehman on Sunday, December 17th, 2006

My local independent book seller turned me on to Mia’s Secret, by Peter Ledwon and Marilyn Mets (Tundra Books, 2006). She wanted to know what I thought about it.

I haven’t been writing about picture books on child sexual abuse for quite a while, having gone over to the Young Adult/Adult side, but I’ve followed the field. This book is a winner. Just right for preK and comforting for grades 1 and 2.

Mia's Secret

As noted in earlier posts, writers for the very young have a very difficult line to walk with this topic. The trick is to give kids the information they need in a way that does not undermine their sense of personal power and their trust in a basically good world.

The usual “stranger danger” message makes kids more vulnerable, not less. Only 6% of sexual assaults are by strangers. Kids are most at risk in their own homes and the homes of trusted adults.

what happens

Mia is a little girl with a purple teddy bear and a secret. Something happened and Mia is unhappy that she can’t tell her mom. In a flashback we see an adult man–who could be an uncle, family friend, or mom’s partner–engaging Mia in a board game and then in secret keeping. The portrayal of what happens next is emotionally accurate, but not anatomically specific.

A wise child reading the book with a parent will know that Mia should tell, and will understand her reluctance. Mia comes up with a solution which is totally age appropriate, ingenious and true. She keeps her promise not to tell, but gets to confide in her mom anyhow. (Keep an eye on the bear!)

Equally appropriate for kids who’ve experienced abuse and those who have not, this book tells just what a preschooler needs to know and nothing more. It’s a great spring board for discussion about secrets, okay games vs. not okay ones, boundaries on touching, and how to say “No” to an adult.

Best of all Mia is no victim. She’s a smart little cookie that kids and adults will cheer for all they way.

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just listen

— Carolyn Lehman on Saturday, December 2nd, 2006

The first thing I did when I finished reading Just Listen, by Sarah Dessen, was to check out the Cybils website and make sure that this stellar young adult novel has been nominated for the YA fiction award. (It has.)

Dessen really gets it. Really understands that people who have been sexually assaulted are not cardboard victims, nor completely defined by their experience. I think a lot of teen readers will identify with her heroine Annabel Greene–not because she is a teen model (this threw me off at first)–but because she leads a full, complicated, problematic but also hopeful inner as well as outer life.

just-listen-jacket001.gif

Here’s the jacket. (I’m working with a new blog editing package and haven’t figured out yet how to get larger-than-thumbnail images.)

The story is told through a series of flashbacks in the voice of Annabel, the youngest of the three Greene sisters all of whom have been child models. Each of the sisters has her own struggle and by the end of the novel the three have moved towards much more mature relationships with themselves, each other and their parents.

One of the rewards of the book is to watch as Annabel develops a relationship with Owen Armstrong, a boy who challenges her to be honest with herself. It’s a real struggle for this girl who has earned her popularity through superficial beauty and making nice. To her credit, Dessen makes Annabel a thoroughly likeable person even as she comes to see that she has built her life on socially acceptable lies.

If you like teen fiction and girl stories with depth, pick this one up.

scratch

On the other hand, I was very disappointed in Jumping the Scratch, by Sarah Weeks. It’s well written. Has engaging characters. Most of all, it’s a book for 10 and up–younger readers–in which a boy protagonist copes with an incident of sexual…well, this part is hard to define–harassment? assault?

jumping002.gif
Like Annabel, Jamie Reardon leads a life complicated by relatives. He and his mother are living with and trying to care for his Aunt Sapphy who has lost her short term memory. Jamie is actively stuffing the memory of something that happened between him and Old Gray, the man who runs the trailer park where Jamie and his family live. The portrayal of their lives and of Aunt Sapphy’s disability is textured and well realized.

The secret comes out when Jamie’s quirky friend “hypnotizes” him and Jaime remembers an assault that appears to be only a hug, although he’s clearly traumatized by it. What gives? Then he tells the secret to his aunt because she has no short term memory so won’t do anything about it. But–tada!–she gets her memory back just before he tells her the secret.

You see what I mean? The story resolution, the way things work out, just doesn’t ring true for me. It feels like outsider fiction in that Jamie is acted upon by others, he is not the author of his own life. The resolution relies heavily on coincidence. I think a ten-year-old reader would respond with “Hunh?”

Readers are left never understanding what happened between Jamie and Old Gray. And how it comes to our attention is awfully confusing. Hypnosis? By a ten-year-old playing magician? This part seems informed by the experiences of adults in therapy not by the realities of a boy living in the same trailer park as his perp.

Maybe I’m reacting to the pry-the-lid off aspect of the hypnosis, but it’s as if Jamie has to be tricked to move forward. I never see him as a person with strength to draw on or the ability to make things better for himself. Classic victim.

Maybe I am missing something here. Did you have a different reaction to this book? I’d love to hear about it.

the challenge

I do have some idea of what the author was up against in trying to publish a book for kids under twelve that addresses sexual abuse.

As an author, you try to tell a story that is honest and relevant to the lives of young readers. With difficult topics, you need to be clear and specific–but you don’t want to be so graphic as to traumatize a child new to the subject or retraumatize survivors. It is a delicate line to walk. Then there’s the whole maze of adults to deal with, the editors, publishers, marketing managers, reviewers, librarians, bookstore owners and parents who stand between a children’s author and her readers. Adults can get uneasy about things that kids can handle fine.
In 1985, I faced many of these challenges when I wrote Promise Not to Tell specifically for 7-10 year olds. Despite all my efforts, the two publishers marketed it for “12 and up” because they thought it would not be seen as appropriate for younger readers, even though we all knew how pervasive sexual abuse is among younger kids.

My hat is off to Sarah Weeks for writing for this age group. I just wish I could enthusiastically recommend her book.

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sold!

— Carolyn Lehman on Wednesday, November 22nd, 2006

I just finished reading Sold, a free verse novel by Patricia McCormick, published by Hyperion for young adults.  It’s the first book of fiction–or nonfiction–that I’ve seen for teens that deals with child sex trafficking.

The author has done a fantastic job.  She really gets the accomodation that sexually exploited kids must go through and the role of hope in keeping a sense of self alive, even when that hope is misplaced.

sold-jacket001.gif

A lot of fiction that treats sexual abuse is from an “outsider” perspective.  Even when it is written in the voice of a young survivor, the characters and action can seem to fulfill outsider needs to feel pity and to rescue.  And I have to say there is a powerful outsider thread in Sold.

Lakshmi is a young Tibetan girl sold into sexual slavery in India by her stepfather to pay his gambling debts.  She struggles against her fate and when she is forced to comply she finds reason for hope in the small kindnesses around her.  If you’ve seen the movie Born in the Brothel, you’ll have a good idea of Lakshmi’s world.

The research behind the story is scrupulous.  Ultimately, Lakshmi’s only hope is an American rescue project.  Her struggle is to take the step that will allow her would-be rescuers to help her.  And this is her struggle, her choice.

Tough but good.  Check it out.

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photos up

— Carolyn Lehman on Tuesday, November 14th, 2006

Today I’ve been working on my presentation for the Healthy Teen Network Conference in Anaheim on Thursday. But now that I’ve figured out how to get download photos onto this computer from my camera, I wanted to get up the pictures from the Instituto and CLA.

Then, as I was working, I got an e-mail from Liz Bohm, one of the organizers of the event at Instituto Familiar de la Raza in San Francisco’s Mission District. Her description is so evocative. I’ll quote from it in italics below:

These two marvelous women are the executive director of the Instituto, Dr. Estela Garcia, and the founder, Dr. Concha Saucedo. They opened the event with a greeting and with smudging and a Nhuatl prayer to create a sacred space for the proceedings.

“…a beautiful altar ran the length of one whole wall, still up from Dia de los Muertos, with candles, vases full of marigolds, painted skulls, pictures and mementoes of loved ones… As people entered the room they shared good local food, homemade cookies and hot tea… The atmosphere was safe, positive, hopeful, respectful and energetic, and it was created by the healing wisdom of the elders, the brave sharing of the survivors, and the dedication of the organizers, staff and volunteers.”

We really didn’t plan to wear the same outfits! These grinning people are the speakers: me, Arturo Carillo, and Rev Trinity Ordona.

“In sync with the title of the book by Carolyn Lehman, Strong at the Heart: How It Feels to Heal from Sexual Abuse, the emphasis was on how people have come through, have healed and are creating healing for themselves and their families, and are moving on. Carolyn, herself a survivor, talked about her experience of writing these stories of real people, whose personalities, talents and voices came through loud and clear. One interviewee, Arturo, was a guest at the event…

“Watching Arturo stand up and claim his experiences as ‘an important story that needed to be told,’ and then receive respectful, loving affirmation from a male peer made me not only hopeful, but grateful to see and feel the real change happening that will positively affect the root causes of violence…There is more awareness and less silence every day.

“The drumming at the end wove it all together…For me, it felt like we were creating a living rhythm with our hands and voices, where liberation and healing took on new form and vibrated through the room. Release of the old, welcoming the new, acknowledging the pain, joy, connection, our strong heartbeat togeher. Ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom. After the event I felt happy, calm and connected and was deeply appreciating the openness and awareness of the people in this city, this community that make an event like this possible…

“I’ve been to other events focused on healing from sexual abuse, but never one where both men and women have come together. It felt so natural, balanced and rich because of this shared experience. It feels like the ‘blind spots’ Carolyn talked about that we have when it comes to rape and sexual violence are getting smaller, and as we come together with all of our eyes, our vision expands, our dialog grows, our voices can get stronger in the presence of each other.”


If I tried to identify everyone in this picture, I’d be sure to get someone’s name wrong. So I will just say that in addition to the people ID-ed above, the others in this photo include Dr. Sal Nunez (the tall guy in the back–he lead the healing drumming), Jennifer Biehn, Sarah Armstrong, Liz Bohm, Brian Lum, Joan Lohman, Paula, and Mario Marquez. Others are from Trinity’s class at City College of San Francisco; they volunteered in many ways including tabling and book sales. Auden Rodriguez, who handled the tech stuff for the night, had to leave before this photo was taken.

cla

And now that I’m on a roll with photos, here’s one of the poster session from the California Library Association conference this weekend. There were ten display tables set up in the Exhibition Hall on Sunday. I was so busy talking with visitors at my own that I never got to see the others.


That’s my friend Joan Berman from Humboldt State University, checking things out just before the poster session started. She helped me set up the display, brought me water (it’s nonstop talking once the session starts) and generally cheered me on as more and more people came to talk with me about the books I’d brought, Strong at the Heart, sexual abuse issues, and collection development. I met some wonderful librarians, authors, and educators and gave out a lot of packets of information on healing books for teens.

Filed under: book tours, events, men and boys, photos
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night in a hotel

— Carolyn Lehman on Saturday, November 11th, 2006

Finally, Internet access. Just because a hotel is pricey doesn’t mean the wireless connection is free–or reliable.

I’m at the California Library Association Conference in Sacramento, part of a mini book tour.

Tomorrow morning I’ll be attending the Beatty Award breakfast thanks to my friend Joan Berman who gave me her ticket this afternoon. The Beatty Award “honors the author of a distinguished book for children or young adults that best promotes an awareness of California and its people.” This year’s winner is The Ballooon Boy, by Dorothy Kupcha Leland, a novel based on a true story about a 14 year old boy on a runaway balloon.

Afterwards I’ll set up a poster session on Sexual Abuse in Young Adult Literature. I’m looking forward to talking with librarians about the books they select in this subject area. And I’ve prepared a lot of handouts: a fact sheet on sexual abuse, a bibliography of recommended fiction and nonfiction, a copy of my article on the subject from School Library Journal, and Questions to Ask–both in evaluating books on the subject and in collection development. Whew!

I have no idea who will show up–if anyone–or what their interests will be.

instituto

The event in San Francisco’s Mission District on Thursday night was an amazing experience. I’ll write about it again when I can post the pictures (after I get home) because tonight I am just too tired to do more than a quick post and go to bed.

For now, I just have to say that the people at the Instituto Familar de la Raza planned this event incredibly well. Every detail was taken care of from feeding people beforehand (a fantastic Mexican dinner) and creating a safe and sacred space for people to speak about abuse in their lives, to a magical ending of nearly a hundred people drumming and singing together. Unbelievable.

Filed under: book tours, events, men and boys
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on the road again

— Carolyn Lehman on Saturday, November 4th, 2006

Today I am prepping for two events coming up, one at Instituto Familiar de la Raza in San Francisco’s Mission District and the other one in Sacramento–the California Library Association’s annual convention.

The event at the Instituto is really something special. It’s billed at a celebration of women and men healing from sexual abuse and the organizers have done a fantastic job.

The evening starts at 5 p.m. with a buffet dinner. At six, the program begins with Mezzo American drumming and smudging to create a sacred space and safety for the participants. I’ll show photographs, of course, and talk about healing within a cultural context as described in Strong at the Heart. I’ll also share what I learned by listening to other survivors and hearing how they defined healing.

a man’s story

Then–and this is what everyone is especially excited about–Arturo from the book will speak. He is a very respected person in the community and his story will be especially meaningful because it takes place right there, in the Mission. Arturo still works for Walden House and he is also well known musician and community leader.

When he is done, there will be a healing drumming circle. And after that a book signing.

It’s an RSVP event and the organizers say they are already over the 80 people they planned for but they are trying to make room for a few more. The phone number there is 415-229-0500.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

BTW, the event is sponsored by Healing for a Change, San Francisco City College (CCSF), Instituto Familiar de la Raza, CCSF Concert and Lecture Series, CCSF Office of Mentoring and Service Learning, Project Survive, and the Women’s Studies, Business, Health Education and Community Health Studies, and Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Studies departments at CCSF!

It’s good to know that all these great organizations are behind an event like this.

sacramento

And then, on Sunday, I’ll be at the California Library Association.

This is my first ever poster session. This year I’ve given workshops to a wide range of audiences and key note speeches at events from child abuse conferences to take Back the Night. Now, I have to figure out how to say these subtle and layered things with a poster and handouts!

The best part in my mind right now is that this is forcing me to put together a packet of information that librarians and other book people can take with them and absorb. We’ll see how it goes.

Filed under: book tours, events, men and boys
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just the facts

— Carolyn Lehman on Tuesday, October 31st, 2006

Saturday’s event in Westhaven went really, really well. There was a lovely audience, including friends from various parts of my life. It’s a real treat to do a book event in my own community!

Sam and Pearl Oliner, two sociologists who study and write about altruism came and contributed to the discussion. So did Paige Alisen, the founder of The Emma Center.

One woman asked me to post the statistics on child sexual abuse that I cited at the beginning of the conversation. I find these stats both clarifying AND suggestive.

Here they are in their long form and with citations:

–One in four women and one in six men acknowledge sexual abuse in childhood in a retrospective study of 17,000 middle class adults in the Kaiser Health Care System. (The ACE Study, Dr. Vincent Fellitti, U. S. Department of Public Health)

–Two thirds of victims of reported rape are under eighteen. More than half of these are under twelve. (Snyder, Howard, National Center for Juvenile Justice. 2000. Sexual Assault of Young Children as Reported to Law Enforcement. U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau of Justices Statistics.)

–Almost 2 million teenagers in the U. S. have been victims of serious sexual assaults. (Kilpatrick and Saunders, 1997:
The Prevalence and Consequences of Child Victimization, U. S. Department of Justice)

–One third of the people who sexually abuse children are family members. More than half are acquaintances including trusted adults and other children. Only 7% are strangers. (U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau of Justices Statistics, 2000)

–Adults are the offenders in 60% of sexual assaults of children under age 12. (U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau of Justices Statistics, 2000)

the facts speak for themselves

Two things really stand out for me. The first is that–as a culture–we have defined rape as an experience of adult women. But look who is experiencing the majority of rapes.

And that last statistic. If 60% of offenders are adults, that means …

Public discourse on sexual abuse and rape is still in the Dark Ages in many ways. We have a long ways to go before our understanding of childhood sexual abuse catches up with the reality that kids experience every day.

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Cybils and Westhaven

— Carolyn Lehman on Thursday, October 26th, 2006

Bloggers who are fans of children’s YA literature have started a new award, the Cybil. Check it out and nominate your favorite book from the past year.

I am honored to serve on the Middle Grade/YA Non-fiction award committee. And, no, Strong at the Heart is not eligible.

Westhaven

Closer to home, I’m speaking at the Westhaven Center for the Arts, in Westhaven, California, this Saturday from 3-4:30 p.m. The event is co-sponsored by the Emma Center, a local nonprofit that supports women who are healing from the mental and physical effects of childhood trauma.

I’ll be showing photos from the book and other behind-the-scene shots. What I’m hoping is that we’ll have a discussion of what we can do in our community to better support survivors and to help prevent abuse.

The event will be at 501 S Westhaven Drive in Westhaven. To find out more, see the article in today’s Times Standard.

If you’re local, do come!

Filed under: awards and honors, books, events, uncategorized, websites and weblogs
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