Strong At The Heart

For some reason, readers at this site tend to write emails directly to me, rather than post their thoughts here. For me that’s great, but then others miss out on the conversation.

Today I heard from a gentleman who attended a book event that Arturo and I did a few days ago in the Bay Area (yep, I’ll post about that soon). He sent a link for an excellent article on HIV and sexual abuse survivors.

The article has good advice for survivors dealing with doctors–whether they are HIV positive or have other health issues, so I want to share the resource with the rest of you.

It’s called Two Time Survivor. Incest survivors who are dealing with AIDs aren’t the only “two timers.” When I was diagnosed with a rare cancer four years ago, my first response was “I’m already a survivor! I don’t need a second time around.”

But in the next few days I realized that dealing with a sexual abuse history had taught me a lot that helped me with this new event. First of all, I knew I wasn’t going to try to do this alone or in isolation. I told all my friends and those who could deal with it did and were great support, and those who couldn’t, well bless them, we can’t be all things to all people.

I also recognized the feelings I was going through. A serious diagnosis is a trauma, and I had a traumatic reaction–fear, disbelief, anxiety. But going through healing from child abuse has given me a lot of tools. I’ve faced terror and walked through it. I know that tough realities can be faced, and lived through. I have the skills I need to calm myself and get centered, to stay focused in the present. And I knew how to ask for help and organize a healing team.

Fortunately my health is great right now. But going through that tough time gave me a new appreciation for all that the healing process had given me.

I’m still grinning from a lovely three day retreat that my sister and I took last week. She lives in another state, so we met in the Portland airport and drove together to Breitenbush Hot Springs. We hiked in the luscious hills, relaxed in the hot springs, got massages, did yoga, ate quantities of food that other people prepared for us, and had plenty of time to talk and read and enjoy each others’ company.

My sister is an amazing and accomplished woman. Her professional work benefits farm workers and their children, she is also a musician, and she raised two of my favorite people in the world–my nieces.

Near the end of our restorative time together it hit me: this moment–this happiness and peace and richness in our lives–was unimaginable when we were children in a dysfunctional and destructive nuclear family. We really have come a long, long way. I wished I could reach back in time and tell those two little girls, “Some day this will be yours!”

our hero

Recently I’ve been in contact with a second cousin of ours. She told me a family story I had never heard before.

In the 1930’s our great aunt found out that her daughter had been molested by a relative. Despite her own disability, poverty, and the attitudes of the era, she hired a lawyer, pursued the case, and sent the offender to jail.

We’d never even know this about her! My sis and I took one evening of our vacation to celebrate and commemorate this great aunt, who we have always remembered fondly as a loving and kind presence when we were young.  What a hero for us both!

Here’s a young adult book to look for. SAFE, by Susan Shaw, won’t be out until October, but I’m reading it now in publisher’s galleys for a book review.

There is no mystery about what happened. Walking home on the last day of 7th grade, Tracy is abducted by an older teen, raped, and left for dead. We know it happened, so does she. The story takes place over that awful summer, the aftermath, while she struggles to find enough security in her life so that she can begin to deal with the reality of the assault.

At last, a novel that really focuses on healing. What I like about this book is that Tracy is no pitiful victim. Even as she goes through a period of agraphobia and isolation, she is finding ways to help herself, figuring out how to live after overwhelming trauma and loss.

She has a lot to draw on, a kind father, the memory of a loving mother, good friends who wait in the wings for her “return.” But in the depths of her post trauma reaction she also discovers strength within herself. She draws on the power of music and her own creativity long before she is ready for talk therapy and all that comes with it.
The violence is all off stage. Tracy’s feelings are front and center. Her growth is realistic and hopeful. This is a good book.

As many of you know, I was a judge on the Cybils Awards this year. I also had the great good fortune to be asked to interview our nonfiction winner, Russell Freedman. His book, Freedom Walkers, is an awesome testimony to the power that ordinary people can have when they work together to overcome injustice.

I highly recommend it.

The interview ,”Telling the Story of History,” just went up this morning.

He is an delightfully modest and principled person, as well as one of the most important writers in nonfiction for young people today. My favorite part of our conversation is when he describes his passion for the forgotten people of Montgomery who organized and carried out the protest. That and his reaction to his fifth grade teacher, Tennessee Kent.

welcome

If you’re a visitor here from the Cybils site and your interest is primarily in books for young readers, scroll down for reviews or check out this blog’s books category. There’s also a page of recommended books for adults and teens and a recent SLJ article on stereotyping of survivors in young adult books.

Saturday’s event in Westhaven went really, really well. There was a lovely audience, including friends from various parts of my life. It’s a real treat to do a book event in my own community!

Sam and Pearl Oliner, two sociologists who study and write about altruism came and contributed to the discussion. So did Paige Alisen, the founder of The Emma Center.

One woman asked me to post the statistics on child sexual abuse that I cited at the beginning of the conversation. I find these stats both clarifying AND suggestive.

Here they are in their long form and with citations:

–One in four women and one in six men acknowledge sexual abuse in childhood in a retrospective study of 17,000 middle class adults in the Kaiser Health Care System. (The ACE Study, Dr. Vincent Fellitti, U. S. Department of Public Health)

–Two thirds of victims of reported rape are under eighteen. More than half of these are under twelve. (Snyder, Howard, National Center for Juvenile Justice. 2000. Sexual Assault of Young Children as Reported to Law Enforcement. U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau of Justices Statistics.)

–Almost 2 million teenagers in the U. S. have been victims of serious sexual assaults. (Kilpatrick and Saunders, 1997:
The Prevalence and Consequences of Child Victimization, U. S. Department of Justice)

–One third of the people who sexually abuse children are family members. More than half are acquaintances including trusted adults and other children. Only 7% are strangers. (U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau of Justices Statistics, 2000)

–Adults are the offenders in 60% of sexual assaults of children under age 12. (U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau of Justices Statistics, 2000)

the facts speak for themselves

Two things really stand out for me. The first is that–as a culture–we have defined rape as an experience of adult women. But look who is experiencing the majority of rapes.

And that last statistic. If 60% of offenders are adults, that means …

Public discourse on sexual abuse and rape is still in the Dark Ages in many ways. We have a long ways to go before our understanding of childhood sexual abuse catches up with the reality that kids experience every day.

Bloggers who are fans of children’s YA literature have started a new award, the Cybil. Check it out and nominate your favorite book from the past year.

I am honored to serve on the Middle Grade/YA Non-fiction award committee. And, no, Strong at the Heart is not eligible.

Westhaven

Closer to home, I’m speaking at the Westhaven Center for the Arts, in Westhaven, California, this Saturday from 3-4:30 p.m. The event is co-sponsored by the Emma Center, a local nonprofit that supports women who are healing from the mental and physical effects of childhood trauma.

I’ll be showing photos from the book and other behind-the-scene shots. What I’m hoping is that we’ll have a discussion of what we can do in our community to better support survivors and to help prevent abuse.

The event will be at 501 S Westhaven Drive in Westhaven. To find out more, see the article in today’s Times Standard.

If you’re local, do come!

Good news just came in. Strong at the Heart has been chosen for California Collections.

Each year California Readers, a group of educators, librarians, parents, booksellers, authors, illustrators, and business representatives choose one hundred books each for three collections: Elementary School, Middle School and High School.

The purpose is to chose the best books for young readers written by Californians and to assemble them in a list that provides a balanced collection. A librarian who purchased the whole collection would find that fiction, poetry, and a wide spectrum of nonfiction, representing diverse experiences, would all be included.

The criteria are that books in the collections:

— meet the qualifications of excellent literature
— reflect the entire spectrum of curriculum areas in a balanced collection
— focus on the diversity of California population
— illuminate the various California geographical areas and
— raise awareness about issues important to California.

This year Laurence Yep is being honored as the Californian whose books have most often appeared on the list over time. Seven of his novels have been chosen for thirty lists. He, and the rest of us, will be honored at a luncheon in Burbank in February 2007.

You can check out the three lists online.

The books are excellent and so is the overall shape of each collection. This is great company to be in!

Today was an in between kind of day. I’m back from travel for the book. Haven’t solidified upcoming appearances for summer or fall yet. There’s a stack of short writing assignments on my desk.

The sky was half fog (to the east), half sunshine (to the west). I jumped on my bike in the late morning and rode out through farm land towards the coast, just taking it easy and feeling the sun on my arms and face. I passed the calf I saw being born a few days ago; he’s on his feet—as he was twenty minutes after birth–but looking fully at home in this world now.

At the boat ramp I got off, lay on my back near the river’s edge, listened to the water flowing by, and watched the clouds forming and teasing apart over my head. I’ve too many ideas for books already. But a new one came, beautiful, full blown. I can taste it, practically hold it in my hands, turn the pages, and read the words already written.

I knew that when I got home I’d have a pile of commitments to work on, so I took my time riding back, noticing the wildflowers coming out, soaking in the green of the new pastures and the warmth of the sun.

Insead of tackling that stack on my desk, I sketched out the introduction for the new book idea.

There’s a cool thing coming up. On Tuesday, May 2nd, at 9 a.m. PST, Jessie Dylan will interview me about Strong at the Heart on his show, The Good Life. You can hear it on Sirius Satellite Radio 114 or listen on the Internet. Canadians can listen on sevral station across the country.

For a week following, it will be archived online.

Here’s a little taste of what I saw in Boston last week. Pretty amazing, isn’t it, when spring does hit?

photo by Rick Birkenshaw

This image is pulled from a postcard, but it really did look just like this with magnolias blooming like crazy and the tender green of new growth everywhere.

We finally had a sunny day here. Peter and I rode bikes inland and halfway up Korbel Hill. I’m working back into it.

Free Radio Santa Cruz is a pirate station–no license, not call letters, but a loyal following locally and on line. To get to the studio, Evelyn Hall drove through residential streets, parked, and lead me around the back of an unmarked bungalow. The ground was soggy from the heavy rain and hail we’d had an hour earlier and I was glad I had clogs on. We clattered down concrete steps, then ducked into a standard issue basement, complete with old mattresses propped against the wall and piles of soggy looking cardboard boxes.

The studio was deep in the basement, behind a well defended plywood door with three large bolts on the inside. Evelyn told me they’d been raided by the police before. Radio studios are a jumble of wires and flashing lights, but this one looked like it could be disassembled and moved on short notice. We sat at the console under a big pirate flag.

Ann Simonton of Media Watch, introduced us on the air and then Evelyn took over. She started the conversation by asking about the prevalence of sexual abuse and WHY we haven’t been able to stop this from happening to our kids. We had two full hours of on air time to explore these question and many others and to talk about the stories in Strong at the Heart.

What a luxury it is to have so much time. I’ve had radio news interviews as short as 5 minutes and as long as an hour and a half—with listeners calling in. You can get a lot across in a short amount of time, if you choose your words well.

But two hours? We were able to talk about the back stories of the making of the book. About why I chose the stories I did out of the nearly three dozen interviews recorded over the five years. We explored what it means to come out as a sexually abuse survivor. And why some mothers do not support their children when they tell.

apologia

During the last fifteen minutes of the show Evelyn told listeners that they could call in. Unfortunately, we were both so wrapped up in the conversation that she forgot to flip the switch that allowed for incoming calls. So if you are one of the people who tried—I am so sorry. I did catch a call at the end off air and it was good to hear from a listener who had so much to say herself.

After the radio show, the two of us had lunch downtown. Evelyn is a counselor in my old high school district and runs the Safe Place program for teens. One of her groups is just beginning to read and discuss Strong at the Heart.

Jenner

Tonight’s the book event at 7:30 at Bookshop Santa Cruz. Last night I had dinner with Jenner, whose story is the first chapter of Strong at the Heart. So many people have asked about the song she wrote about the rape was fourteen. She’s planning on bringing her guitar and singing it at tonight’s event! Here’s your chance to hear her: Bookshop Santa Cruz, 7:30 p.m.