Strong At The Heart

When a book first comes out, there’s a rush of professional reviews. But my favorite kind, by ordinary readers, keep coming. Sometimes it’s an email or letter to me personally. Here’s one that appeared on Ciao!, via Bing, written by a young woman in England:

Who This Book Is For

This book is for anyone who has ever experienced child abuse, knows someone who has experienced it, or for anyone who wants to know what it feels like, and is curious. This book is especially for those who need inspiration to make it through their own experience, and just learn to heal. I think this book is a really great thing, and has helped a lot of people, so far.

Everyone Has A Story

This book is a perfect example of how everyone has a story. As people we all get so concerned about our own lives, that we forget to hear everyone else out around us.
This book speaks of not only the hardships in others lives, but also how they managed to gather strength and find a way to get their life going in a positive direction. There are a few peoples stories in this book, it starts with the abuse they went through, how it all happened, what was done about it, the support they got, and where they are at now with life.

Every race Every Face

I love how every race is represented in this book, and how it just shows that anyone can go through sexual abuse, and how anyone can be an abuser. This book shows abuse from every direction, from strangers, from a priest, from your own family. Its not just showing one type of abuse, its from minor abuse to serious abuse, and most importantly this book shows the damage and the healing process.

Get Help

I feel that this book also sends out a help message. For anyone that you know that needs help, there are resources, and also the powerful words of people who have been there before. People tend to shy away from sexual abuse since its such a hard topic, but i feel that everyone needs to read a book like this! We all need to know, and be prepared to help someone in need, and this book is a perfect way to become a little more knowledgeable for some who have never been talked to about sexual abuse before in their lives.

Central Message

You can make something good of yourself no matter what happens in your life. If you stay positive and always stay focused on your goals you can make it is what i truly took from this book. The message is so powerful and motivating….

Final Thought

This book is a must! You have to read it, you cant stop once you start! It will catch your attention, and it is truly so very inspirational. This book can motivate you to reach out to someone else, or save yourself. It focus’ more on the positive then on the negative, and that is what i like, because its not so dark and depressing, but more interesting and inspirational. Everyone needs to get their hands on this book!!

Thanks Alexis95! I’m glad you like Strong at the Heart and appreciate that you wrote about it so well. It’s always gratifying for a writer when a reader really understands a book.

Okay, this is the third novel about a young teen girl who escapes from forced marriage in a polygamist cult that has cross my desk in the space of a year. Keep Sweet, by Michele Dominguez Greene, is a good read. Like the other two I’ve reviewed here, this book has its virtues, but laid side by side all three beg the question “Why are we so fascinated by this one story line?”

In Keep Sweet, 14-year-old Alva Jane is an obedient daughter of the third—and favored—wife of her father. (He has a total of seven wives and 29 children.) Alva Jane has never questioned life in the FLDS compound or the authority of the older men who rule it. Although her life is physically hard (she and her mother bake bread every morning for the whole household) she is privileged by her father’s position, privileged enough to dream of being a first wife herself to the handsome and kind John Joseph, her 17-year-old math tutor.

But jealousy runs high in the huge family. Her father’s spurned first wife is out for revenge on Alva Jane’s mother. When Sister Cora discovers Alva Jane and John Joseph in a stolen kiss, all hell breaks loose. Alva Jane is beaten and imprisoned, John Joseph is run off the plantation. Then Alma Jane is married to a particularly violent man three times her age, a man who beats and humiliates his wives into obedience.

Despite the rapes, despite the poverty of opportunity, despite the culture of submission, hope stays alive in Alva Jane. With the help of another unhappy sister wife she prepares to make a run for it.

Clearly the audience for this book is not young girls stuck in polygamist cults. They will never be allowed to read it with its message of hope and its clues to successful escape.

Why does the story matter to the rest of us? There is a creepy fascination with polygamy right now. Just have a look at the “just folks” photo on the cover of the February National Geographic. It isn’t just the snow on the ground that gives you a chill.

Each of the novels centers on a girl who is just coming of age for critical thought. Right at the time she could begin to think and act for herself, she is married off to a controlling man. Each girl comes, eventually, to think for herself enough to attempt escape.

Are we asking, “What would I do if I were one of those girls in prairie dresses? Surely I’d get out of there. How?”

Could it be that the polygamist compound is a metaphor for societal expectations? Do the abusive marriages stand in for garden variety abusive homes?

One thing that haunts me is how unprepared any of the children—Lost Boys or escaped girls—are for life beyond the compound. A real girl, if she could cut herself loose from family and siblings, her culture, religion and home, would be a sitting duck for exploitation. What is waiting for her in the outside world?

I just received in the mail a hard copy of The Prevention Researcher, “a multidisciplinary journal focusing on successful adolescent development and at-risk youth.”

There–on pages 11 and 12–is the most comprehensive and thoughtful review of Strong at the Heart ever. The reviewer, Dr. Jacqueline Golding, is writing here for a professional audience. She really understands the power of survivors defining their experience.

You can read the full review on line. Here’s a snippet from the end:

“In addition to being a wonderful resource for adolescent and adult survivors of sexual abuse, Strong at the Heart can be of great use to people who have not been sexually abused, but are close to someone who has been. … A survivor’s partner, friend, or parent can use Strong at the Heart to better understand and support the healing process of the person close to them.”

The current issue of The Prevention Researcher can be read on line. Their website has an extensive archive of articles on healing and the prevention of trauma–some of which require a fee to download.

picturebooks

BTW, the reviewer is herself an author. Healing Stories: Picture Books for the Big and Small Changes in a Child’s Life is an annotated bibliography of over 500 picture books. The author is a clinical psychologist and a mother who has a clear sense of what resources will be helpful for parents, counselors and teachers who work with the very young.

No, it is never too late for a good review!

The latest appeared in the November issue of PPT Express, a newsletter for teachers and others working with pregnant and parenting teens.

The editor, Jeanne Lindsay, who is also the publisher of Morning Glory Press, had asked me for an article on Sexual Abuse and Teen Pregnancy. Then she ran a review of my book as well!

Here is the review in its entirety:

“Nine survivors of childhood sexual abuse speak frankly about the abuse they experienced and the ways they found to heal. Research shows that a majority of teen mothers and a high percentage of teen fathers have been sexually abused. I highly recommend having copies of this book available for reading and discussing with teens. Those who have been abused can learn they are not alone, and that it is possible to heal. And this book can help those who have not experienced abuse become more caring and compassionate. Order from your local or on-line bookstore.

Nice–and concise!

a birthday of sorts
It’s been two years since Strong at the Heart was launched at Northtown Books in Arcata. What a ride those two years have been.

Speaking on the book has given me the opportunity to talk with so many different kids of people about various aspects of healing from sexual abuse, about literature for teens, about how we can make the world a safer place for kids. From the public library in Bend, Oregon, to Harvard University, from San Francisco’s Mission District to the IVAT conference in San Diego, it has been a long and fascinating trip. One I could not have foreseen two years ago. Thanks to all of you who have made these two years so rich!

This just in: I just opened a copy of the March issue of Play Therapy, a magazine for mental health professionals who work with children and teens.

There, on page 32, is a great review of Strong at the Heart in which a therapist describes using the book with her young teen clients.

With the author and publisher’s permission, I’m pasting the review in full below.

Jenner, Sheena, Tammy, Jonathan and all—when you read this, you’ll see the far reaching impact of telling your story!

the review
STRONG AT THE HEART: How It Feels to Heal from Sexual Abuse
By Carolyn Lehman, MA
Reviewed by Terry Abell, MEd, LMHC

This five star book is a pleasant surprise, easily read, and displays survivor photos. Chapters are written by survivors. This book presents diverse populations, including males, females, Euro, Latino, Native, and African American cultures, and discusses variations of abuses, including rape, abduction abuse by a priest, and scenarios involving family, date rape, and males abused by females.

Narratives include initial abuse, effects on survivors, and resolution. Sometimes, help was accessible immediately, sometimes not. Sad experiences were offered regarding pre-recovery. Disclosures of substance abuse, suicidal ideation and denial are presented honestly.

When I used this book with clients, I asked to read them a story, stopping to process at intervals. I first used this book with a female ninth grader recently assaulted by an adult male. I selected appropriate stores, which helped her finally acknowledge that the assault was not her fault. I also used this with a 12 year-old with a lifelong history of on-going abuse. We read stories and talked about ways these matched her story. It provided exposure to others who survived, moved on to heal and reach out. She is now in a safe, nurturing environment, making strides and ready for group work. This book provides a stepping-stone towards group.

I intend to use this with survivor groups in the future. Many of our clients are exposed to abuse, directly or indirectly. This book is a great tool and should be added to any counselor’s arsenal.