Strong At The Heart

Here’s something you might want to check out. A young filmmaker is producing a feature film that examines male experience of sexual abuse within the orthodox Jewish community.

I haven’t seen the film but have visited the website for Narrow Bridge http://www.narrowbridgefilm.com/. From his description and the website itself, the film appears to be about a religious young man in a new relationship who must come to terms with abuse by a trusted man in his childhood.

Today I’ve been working on my presentation for the Healthy Teen Network Conference in Anaheim on Thursday. But now that I’ve figured out how to get download photos onto this computer from my camera, I wanted to get up the pictures from the Instituto and CLA.

Then, as I was working, I got an e-mail from Liz Bohm, one of the organizers of the event at Instituto Familiar de la Raza in San Francisco’s Mission District. Her description is so evocative. I’ll quote from it in italics below:

These two marvelous women are the executive director of the Instituto, Dr. Estela Garcia, and the founder, Dr. Concha Saucedo. They opened the event with a greeting and with smudging and a Nhuatl prayer to create a sacred space for the proceedings.

“…a beautiful altar ran the length of one whole wall, still up from Dia de los Muertos, with candles, vases full of marigolds, painted skulls, pictures and mementoes of loved ones… As people entered the room they shared good local food, homemade cookies and hot tea… The atmosphere was safe, positive, hopeful, respectful and energetic, and it was created by the healing wisdom of the elders, the brave sharing of the survivors, and the dedication of the organizers, staff and volunteers.”

We really didn’t plan to wear the same outfits! These grinning people are the speakers: me, Arturo Carillo, and Rev Trinity Ordona.

“In sync with the title of the book by Carolyn Lehman, Strong at the Heart: How It Feels to Heal from Sexual Abuse, the emphasis was on how people have come through, have healed and are creating healing for themselves and their families, and are moving on. Carolyn, herself a survivor, talked about her experience of writing these stories of real people, whose personalities, talents and voices came through loud and clear. One interviewee, Arturo, was a guest at the event…

“Watching Arturo stand up and claim his experiences as ‘an important story that needed to be told,’ and then receive respectful, loving affirmation from a male peer made me not only hopeful, but grateful to see and feel the real change happening that will positively affect the root causes of violence…There is more awareness and less silence every day.

“The drumming at the end wove it all together…For me, it felt like we were creating a living rhythm with our hands and voices, where liberation and healing took on new form and vibrated through the room. Release of the old, welcoming the new, acknowledging the pain, joy, connection, our strong heartbeat togeher. Ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom. After the event I felt happy, calm and connected and was deeply appreciating the openness and awareness of the people in this city, this community that make an event like this possible…

“I’ve been to other events focused on healing from sexual abuse, but never one where both men and women have come together. It felt so natural, balanced and rich because of this shared experience. It feels like the ‘blind spots’ Carolyn talked about that we have when it comes to rape and sexual violence are getting smaller, and as we come together with all of our eyes, our vision expands, our dialog grows, our voices can get stronger in the presence of each other.”

If I tried to identify everyone in this picture, I’d be sure to get someone’s name wrong. So I will just say that in addition to the people ID-ed above, the others in this photo include Dr. Sal Nunez (the tall guy in the back–he lead the healing drumming), Jennifer Biehn, Sarah Armstrong, Liz Bohm, Brian Lum, Joan Lohman, Paula, and Mario Marquez. Others are from Trinity’s class at City College of San Francisco; they volunteered in many ways including tabling and book sales. Auden Rodriguez, who handled the tech stuff for the night, had to leave before this photo was taken.

cla

And now that I’m on a roll with photos, here’s one of the poster session from the California Library Association conference this weekend. There were ten display tables set up in the Exhibition Hall on Sunday. I was so busy talking with visitors at my own that I never got to see the others.

That’s my friend Joan Berman from Humboldt State University, checking things out just before the poster session started. She helped me set up the display, brought me water (it’s nonstop talking once the session starts) and generally cheered me on as more and more people came to talk with me about the books I’d brought, Strong at the Heart, sexual abuse issues, and collection development. I met some wonderful librarians, authors, and educators and gave out a lot of packets of information on healing books for teens.

Finally, Internet access. Just because a hotel is pricey doesn’t mean the wireless connection is free–or reliable.

I’m at the California Library Association Conference in Sacramento, part of a mini book tour.

Tomorrow morning I’ll be attending the Beatty Award breakfast thanks to my friend Joan Berman who gave me her ticket this afternoon. The Beatty Award “honors the author of a distinguished book for children or young adults that best promotes an awareness of California and its people.” This year’s winner is The Ballooon Boy, by Dorothy Kupcha Leland, a novel based on a true story about a 14 year old boy on a runaway balloon.

Afterwards I’ll set up a poster session on Sexual Abuse in Young Adult Literature. I’m looking forward to talking with librarians about the books they select in this subject area. And I’ve prepared a lot of handouts: a fact sheet on sexual abuse, a bibliography of recommended fiction and nonfiction, a copy of my article on the subject from School Library Journal, and Questions to Ask–both in evaluating books on the subject and in collection development. Whew!

I have no idea who will show up–if anyone–or what their interests will be.

instituto

The event in San Francisco’s Mission District on Thursday night was an amazing experience. I’ll write about it again when I can post the pictures (after I get home) because tonight I am just too tired to do more than a quick post and go to bed.

For now, I just have to say that the people at the Instituto Familar de la Raza planned this event incredibly well. Every detail was taken care of from feeding people beforehand (a fantastic Mexican dinner) and creating a safe and sacred space for people to speak about abuse in their lives, to a magical ending of nearly a hundred people drumming and singing together. Unbelievable.

Today I am prepping for two events coming up, one at Instituto Familiar de la Raza in San Francisco’s Mission District and the other one in Sacramento–the California Library Association’s annual convention.

The event at the Instituto is really something special. It’s billed at a celebration of women and men healing from sexual abuse and the organizers have done a fantastic job.

The evening starts at 5 p.m. with a buffet dinner. At six, the program begins with Mezzo American drumming and smudging to create a sacred space and safety for the participants. I’ll show photographs, of course, and talk about healing within a cultural context as described in Strong at the Heart. I’ll also share what I learned by listening to other survivors and hearing how they defined healing.

a man’s story

Then–and this is what everyone is especially excited about–Arturo from the book will speak. He is a very respected person in the community and his story will be especially meaningful because it takes place right there, in the Mission. Arturo still works for Walden House and he is also well known musician and community leader.

When he is done, there will be a healing drumming circle. And after that a book signing.

It’s an RSVP event and the organizers say they are already over the 80 people they planned for but they are trying to make room for a few more. The phone number there is 415-229-0500.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

BTW, the event is sponsored by Healing for a Change, San Francisco City College (CCSF), Instituto Familiar de la Raza, CCSF Concert and Lecture Series, CCSF Office of Mentoring and Service Learning, Project Survive, and the Women’s Studies, Business, Health Education and Community Health Studies, and Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Studies departments at CCSF!

It’s good to know that all these great organizations are behind an event like this.

sacramento

And then, on Sunday, I’ll be at the California Library Association.

This is my first ever poster session. This year I’ve given workshops to a wide range of audiences and key note speeches at events from child abuse conferences to take Back the Night. Now, I have to figure out how to say these subtle and layered things with a poster and handouts!

The best part in my mind right now is that this is forcing me to put together a packet of information that librarians and other book people can take with them and absorb. We’ll see how it goes.

Today is such a beautiful day on the Northcoast, our second day of sunshine and temperatures above 70 degrees–after weeks of endless fog. That’s right, while everyone else has been sweltering, we’ve been wearing sweaters here.

Right outside my window a man on a ladder is swinging a paintbrush. For the last six weeks I’ve been writing with hammering and belt sanding going on outside my window while our old Victorian gets repaired and prepped for painting. At least the paint is going on more quietly, but I still have interruptions a dozen times a day. Quarter round or cove molding on the trim? Rebuild or repair the cellar door? Then I’m back at the computer, trying to find the place where I left off writing.

Right now I am working on an article about the depiction of survivors of sexual abuse in young adult literature, so if you have books or ideas or responses you want to share, please let me know either by posting your comment here or emailing me.

two sites

Best Interests is a website for child advocates that has international news, articles, links, and recommended books. They’ve featured Strong at the Heart on their book pages. Thank you, Marcia.

There’s an interesting survivor site with blog and short video segments put up by Tim Fisher. Tim was raped by a priest as a child and now speaks out in support of SNAP (Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests) in the Midwest.

Last night I heard from a writer in the UK who just put up a Wikipedia entry referencing Strong at the Heart and linking to this site. Thank you, Tony!

His Wikipidia entry is an excellent descriptive overview of literature–mostly in English–that deals in one way or another with the sexual abuse of boys. Links take you to fuller descriptions and bibliographic information. [Be aware, this article has changed many times and may not represent Tony’s work anymore. 6/10/06]

The entry also has an extensive literature list with a broader scope, including the sexual abuse of girls, as well as films and nonfiction. There are excellent books on the list. Many were published for teens; no distinction is made between them and books written for adults. [Pro-pedophilia people have altered this article considerably. If you go to it, you may want to look under “history” and go to Tony Sandel’s versions. 6/10/06]

On a personal note, I’ve been holed up some, taking care of family matters (the house desperately needs new gutters and painting). I’ll be speaking at the Authors in the Afternoon series on June 17th at the main library in Eureka, California. There I’ll show some of the photos from the making of Strong at the Heart and talk about the back story of the book. I’m looking forward to this informal book discussion event with Humboldt County readers.

Well, this is cool. I have an email from FSG, my publisher, that Strong at the Heart was chosen as a Skipping Stone Honor Book. Every year this multicultural children’s magazine choses roughly ten books to honor and Strong at the Heart is one of them this year. The links aren’t up yet, and I don’t have more information, but when I do I’ll post it here.

Yesterday’s event in Cambridge went so well despite the PowerPoint projector not showing up. A diverse audience came and after the presentation/discussion most of the audience stayed on for an open and engaging conversation that continued for another two hours. Discussion ranged from how race and class play into survivor experience to the corrosive effects of the pressure to “forgive.” There was humor, insight, disclosure, and a warm respect in the room. And something else, too, a sense of the strength and cohesion. This was despite the wide range of our experiences and viewpoints or maybe because of that and because people took risks to ask tough questions and to answer with candor.

There’s something very powerful that happens when we get together face-to-face.

One woman, at the very threshold of healing, rocked us with her humor and her strength. Mike Lew, author of two excellent books for men on healing from sexual abuse, deepened the conversation with insights from his many years in the field. (If you don’t know his books, check them out in the self-help section of my recommended books page or on his website. Titles: Victims No Longer, Leaping upon the Mountains.)

All in all a good event and a wonderful way to end the Boston Tour. Afterwards I had the pleasure of dinner with Annemarie Munn and today I’m staying with my dear friends in Framingham. Home soon.

Hip Librarian has a five star review of Strong at the Heart up on their website. Nice!

Readers from SNAP keep coming (see below for post on Jonathan, a SNAP member featured in Strong at the Heart).

I also heard from Catherine Atkins, author of When Jeff Comes Home, which was inspired by the Steve Stayner case here in California. Her book is currently being challenged in Texas.

This excellent YA novel is told through the eyes of a boy who has been kidnapped and held for over two years by a pedophile. The action takes place after his return home as he struggles to integrate himself into a world that no longer fits him. It is both heartbreaking and very real. You can see how difficult it is for him to trust, to touch, and yet by the end he is finally able to break his silence and reconnect with his father.

So what’s the problem in Irving, Texas?

A parent asked that the book be removed from the shelves because he felt it was “too mature” for middle school students. The school superintendent has decided that kids can still check it out–but only with written parental permission. This decision will be debated at a public hearing on January 23rd.

Should books on abuse be on the open shelves of middle school libraries? Catherine Atkins said in an interview with the Dallas Morning News, “It’s healthy for students to have access to information. They can accept it or reject it – self-censorship in a way. You pick up a book, and if you’re ready for it, you’re ready for it. If you’re not, you set it down.”

You can read the full article on the Catherine Atkins’ blog and find out more about When Jeff Comes Home on my books page or her website.

Last weekend, this site was linked to the homepage for SNAP (Survivor’s Network of those Abuse by Priests) and included in their on-line bookstore. Thank you, Phil! There’s been a lot of traffic from the SNAP site. So I want to let you know that SNAP plays an important role in the second chapter of Strong at the Heart which is an interview with Jonathan, the teen with the double earrings in the slide show on my homepage.

Since I haven’t yet (sorry!) posted parts of his story on the interview page, I’ll give you a taste of his chapter here.

When I met Jonathan, he was seventeen years old, the sixth child in a good Catholic family of twelve kids. He described himself and his brothers as “an original bunch of rowdy boys.”

At age ten, Jonathan was sexually abused by the family priest. Although one of his brothers helped to end the abuse, they never talked about it. Jonathan didn’t tell anyone what happened for years. In his chapter, he describes the corroding effect of the abuse on his self-image, his developing sexuality, and his relationships with family and friends. As a young teen, he got into drugs and attempted suicide. He lashed out at his family.

Jon also tells how the abuse eventually came out, how he “connected the dots” and–with help from his family–overcame his destructive behavior.

SNAP was an important part of Jon’s advanced healing and his decision to speak out as a teen survivor.

“This past July I saw a couple of older guys on TV who were abused by priests, guys in their thirties and forties. That’s when I realized that I wasn’t the only one. I am not alone. . .

“So I got hold of this group called SNAP . . . I started going to meetings, met other people just like me. It was one of the biggest healing processes for me because–therapist, family, friends–no matter how much they want to help, people do not understand how you feel unless they have gone through it, too.”

Because of SNAP, Jon decided to speak out at a press conference which was covered by the major newspapers in his region. In his chapter he describes what it was like to go to high school the day after everyone found out about the abuse. The chance to help other kids, he feels, is worth it. He has spoken out about sexual abuse at schools in his state.

“Other teenagers can see that I’m a kid just like them, from an everyday town like theirs, and it hits home. That’s when people realize that sexual abuse isn’t just a story in a book or a scene in a movie. It’s something that happens every single day to people like them.”

Jonathan also participated in a SNAP vigil in Washington, D. C. He describes his conversations with his bishop, and the effect that the church’s cover-up of the original abuse had on his family and on his spirituality.

Going public about abuse isn’t for everyone. I am so glad Jon chose to be a part of Strong a the Heart. He gives voice to the experiences and feelings of young male abuse survivors. And he gives to other young survivors on the validation that he received from older members of SNAP.