Strong At The Heart

I just stumbled on an excellent website with great resources for child advocates or for anyone concerned with child abuse/recovery/offender issues. Best Interests calls itself “a website for children’s advocates” and it certainly is a great place for people like CASA volunteers, therapists and social workers. Survivors, too, find news and useful information.

The books section is especially rich. Navigating through the subject heading toolbar on the left or the search engine will bring you to a wealth of good titles, mostly for adults. To my joy, I found an excellent page there on Strong at the Heart.

The links page is extensive and hard to use because there are so MANY links in alphabetical order and no way to jump forward or scan. But the subject tool bar works great.

The book pages link to Powell’s Books one of the last, great independent bookstores.

BTW, Cody’s Books, that great Berkeley, California, institution has just sunk under the waves. If you want to be able to open a book before you buy it, explore quirky or deliberately focused collections, and keep your local economy strong remember to walk in to your locally owned bookstore and spend some money there!

I can’t imagine life without my hometown bookstore, Northtown Books. The owner, Dante, tells me that he will be upgrading the web presence soon and include a searchable inventory and book ordering feature. In the mean time, he’s keeping a book blog that’s worth checking out.

Earlier this summer a reader in a small cattle town in a rural Western state wrote a letter on a typewriter and mailed it to my publisher, Farrar, Straus and Giroux in New York. The letter went on to my editor, Melanie Kroupa, in Boston. She faxed it to me in northwestern California.

Here, with the writer’s permission and with identifying details taken out, is her letter:

“I just read Carolyn Lehman’s wonderful book, Strong at the Heart: How It Feels to Heal from Sexual Abuse. I love this book and I found it to be very helpful. I was sexually abused some of my childhood years and when I was 14. I go to the library often and look for books on this subject. There aren’t many, not at my library. When I found this book, at first, I was afraid to read it. I read it with caution, because I didn’t know what to expect. I read the whole book in an hour. I even had to stop and wipe away tears every now and then. This book, the people who wrote their stories…they’ve inspired me to pick up the shattered pieces of my life and move on. It will be a long healing process. This book has helped tremendously.”

When I wrote asking her permission to quote her on this site, she responded in part:

“Please know how grateful I am that you put such a book together–it’s an incredible feeling, knowing that I’m not alone. ”

And isn’t that the heart of it? That feeling of isolation is the worst. Yet we are really not alone at all. We are surrounded by other survivors of sexual abuse. It’s the stigma of abuse that prevents us from connecting with and supporting each other. I’m so glad this reader found an opening at her public library and role models for her own healing.

She also said, “I was amazed that an author wrote to me! A famous person!” (Well, hardly famous.) Authors and editors and publishers are human beings. Her letter let a lot of people involved in the publication of Strong at the Heart know the impact of their choice to publish this book.

She’s right, too, it can be hard to find good resources. Letters like hers give support to those with the courage to publish books that are needed, not just potential blockbusters. I wish librarians and booksellers could hear from readers like her, too.

Here are some of my favorite books and films about healing from sexual abuse.

Here’s a young adult book to look for. SAFE, by Susan Shaw, won’t be out until October, but I’m reading it now in publisher’s galleys for a book review.

There is no mystery about what happened. Walking home on the last day of 7th grade, Tracy is abducted by an older teen, raped, and left for dead. We know it happened, so does she. The story takes place over that awful summer, the aftermath, while she struggles to find enough security in her life so that she can begin to deal with the reality of the assault.

At last, a novel that really focuses on healing. What I like about this book is that Tracy is no pitiful victim. Even as she goes through a period of agraphobia and isolation, she is finding ways to help herself, figuring out how to live after overwhelming trauma and loss.

She has a lot to draw on, a kind father, the memory of a loving mother, good friends who wait in the wings for her “return.” But in the depths of her post trauma reaction she also discovers strength within herself. She draws on the power of music and her own creativity long before she is ready for talk therapy and all that comes with it.
The violence is all off stage. Tracy’s feelings are front and center. Her growth is realistic and hopeful. This is a good book.

Have you seen the new young adult novel, Touching Snow, by M. Sindy Felin? It’s just been published by Atheneum.

The story is bluntly told through the eyes of a teenaged Haitian American girl, Karina, who chronicles her family’s suffering under her despotic stepfather. What I found particularly interesting was the examination of how culture and immigrant status play out in the lives of all the family members.

There’s also a very interesting side story that shows the young girls in the neighborhood navigating around–and sometimes making use of–the neighborhood pedophile who has a car.

Felin explores some very tricky areas. My only cavil is that the abuse is stopped when the abuser is murdered by his victims. Oh, yes, it is satisfying on an emotional level. (And this is not a spoiler. The book begins with the statement, “The best way to avoid being picked on by high school bullies is to kill someone.”) But you know that family is not really going to be better off in the long run.

Sigh. Sometimes there are no easy answers.

I just heard from Mindy, one of the Cybils organizers, about a new interactive book site for children’s and young adult literature.

And Strong at the Heart has its own page there.

At the Tandem Library Books site you can bring up four separate lists of recommended book in Texas state reading programs. (Strong at the Heart is on the Tayshas list for high school students.) Scroll down the column of book jackets and click to open a graphic that looks like a book with “pages” you can turn for a book description, author bio, and list of related books.

There’s even a way to rate the books you’ve read.

The books listed for the Tayshas include five I’ve written about on this blog and/or presented at literature conferences. Look for Sold by Patricia McCormick, Inexcusable by Chris Lynch, and Rules of Survival by Nancy Werlin.

This is a fine way to learn about the latest and best books. And the different lists cover books for all ages.

The results are in. The Cybils—the blogosphere’s own children’s literature awards—have been announced.

Many of you know I was a judge on the nonfiction panel. We had five amazing books to choose from. Our discussion was deep and heartfelt. And in the end we all were happy to select Russell Freedman’s Freedom Walkers to receive this new award.

Here’s our description, as posted on the Cybils’ blog:

Non-Fiction, Middle Grade and Young Adult:
Freedom Walkers: The Story of the Montgomery Bus Boycott
by Russell Freedman
Holiday House
The story of the Montgomery Bus Boycott has been told many times by many different people and has almost become legend, but in Freedom Walkers, Russell Freedman is not sharing folklore or the iconic stories of civil rights heroes like Martin Luther King Jr. or Rosa Parks. This book tells how ordinary men, women and children planned and worked together to peaceably stand up against the injustice of the segregated transportation system—and won. Their heroism makes the reader ask, “Could I do this? Could I stand up to the threats? Could I walk to school every day for almost a year to make justice happen in my hometown?” Well-chosen historic photographs bring to life the American South of the 1950’s. The true story is gripping and well documented. This is a read-in-one-sitting kind of book, which will appeal to young teens up through adults.

Is this great book in your library yet? Check it out.

Wednesday morning I grabbed a cup of tea, put a pile of books I hoped to talk about on my work table, and dialed in to Kathleen Brooks’ studio phone line.

A few minutes later we were launched into an hour long, intimate discussion about healing from abuse, role models, stereotypes of survivors, and the writing and publication of Strong at the Heart.

Our conversation was broadcast live on the Internet and is now archived at Kathleen’s Ethical Life site.

You can play the segments one at a time there. I had fun exploring her archive and listening to the voices of leaders in the child abuse prevention, treatment, and advocacy fields.  The site is a treasure trove.
As an interviewer, Kathleen has a gift for putting guests at ease. She asked questions that I’d never been asked before.

If you are curious about the stories behind this book, legal issues around publishing survivors’ stories, or the stereotypes that can stand in the way of healing, you might want to check it out.

pretty girl

For a thrilling YA read, with an unforgettable survivor/hero, be sure to pick up Laura Wiess’ Such a Pretty Girl.

No stereotypes here. Fifteen year old Meredith is a complex and determined teenager who is furious that the man who molested her—her own father—is out on parole instead of serving his full sentence. Not only that, but her clueless mother wants him back in their lives!

Meredith is the antithesis of a passive victim. She has more than her share of challenges, but she never gives up and she finds allies in her struggle to protect herself and other kids. There is lots of action, suspense and danger before the stunning climax (don’t try this one at home, kids). Definitely a thriller.

Here’s something well worth checking out. Dr. Kathleen Brooks’ Breaking the Conspiracy of Silence broadcast on her Ethical Life website is a weekly Internet show dedicated to “providing a safe forum to get informed, share and participate in preventing, recognizing and reacting safely to child sexual abuse.” A psychologist and survivor herself, Dr. Brooks interviews authors, researchers, survivors and others involved in child sexual abuse treatment and prevention.

This week’s show was a thoughtful and intimate conversation with Julie Brand, author of A Mother’s Touch, a book about mother/daughter incest.

stay tuned

On Wednesday, January 25—from 2-3 Pacific Time—I’ll be Kathleen’s guest. We’ll be talking about Strong at the Heart and about sexual abuse survivors in books for teens and children. I hope to spend time on why these books are needed, how Strong at the Heart came to be, and some of the back stories of the people in the book.

If you miss the live interview, you can listen from the show’s main page until the next Wednesday.

After that, our conversation will be downloadable from the archives.

BTW, the archives contain some real jewels, in depth dialogs with leaders in the field including Margot Silk Forrest on having a happy life after abuse and Dr. Vincent Felliti, author of the Adverse Childhood Experience study. His groundbreaking work links childhood trauma to physical health outcomes in adulthood and has provided the data needed to show that child abuse is a public health issue of staggering importance.

what’s next

The author on January 31st is Saydah Zekee, who will speak on child sexual abuse in the African American community. I am bookmarking this site as a great resource.

My local independent book seller turned me on to Mia’s Secret, by Peter Ledwon and Marilyn Mets (Tundra Books, 2006). She wanted to know what I thought about it.

I haven’t been writing about picture books on child sexual abuse for quite a while, having gone over to the Young Adult/Adult side, but I’ve followed the field. This book is a winner. Just right for preK and comforting for grades 1 and 2.

As noted in earlier posts, writers for the very young have a very difficult line to walk with this topic. The trick is to give kids the information they need in a way that does not undermine their sense of personal power and their trust in a basically good world.

The usual “stranger danger” message makes kids more vulnerable, not less. Only 6% of sexual assaults are by strangers. Kids are most at risk in their own homes and the homes of trusted adults.

what happens

Mia is a little girl with a purple teddy bear and a secret. Something happened and Mia is unhappy that she can’t tell her mom. In a flashback we see an adult man–who could be an uncle, family friend, or mom’s partner–engaging Mia in a board game and then in secret keeping. The portrayal of what happens next is emotionally accurate, but not anatomically specific.

A wise child reading the book with a parent will know that Mia should tell, and will understand her reluctance. Mia comes up with a solution which is totally age appropriate, ingenious and true. She keeps her promise not to tell, but gets to confide in her mom anyhow. (Keep an eye on the bear!)

Equally appropriate for kids who’ve experienced abuse and those who have not, this book tells just what a preschooler needs to know and nothing more. It’s a great spring board for discussion about secrets, okay games vs. not okay ones, boundaries on touching, and how to say “No” to an adult.

Best of all Mia is no victim. She’s a smart little cookie that kids and adults will cheer for all they way.

The first thing I did when I finished reading Just Listen, by Sarah Dessen, was to check out the Cybils website and make sure that this stellar young adult novel has been nominated for the YA fiction award. (It has.)

Dessen really gets it. Really understands that people who have been sexually assaulted are not cardboard victims, nor completely defined by their experience. I think a lot of teen readers will identify with her heroine Annabel Greene–not because she is a teen model (this threw me off at first)–but because she leads a full, complicated, problematic but also hopeful inner as well as outer life.

Here’s the jacket. (I’m working with a new blog editing package and haven’t figured out yet how to get larger-than-thumbnail images.)

The story is told through a series of flashbacks in the voice of Annabel, the youngest of the three Greene sisters all of whom have been child models. Each of the sisters has her own struggle and by the end of the novel the three have moved towards much more mature relationships with themselves, each other and their parents.

One of the rewards of the book is to watch as Annabel develops a relationship with Owen Armstrong, a boy who challenges her to be honest with herself. It’s a real struggle for this girl who has earned her popularity through superficial beauty and making nice. To her credit, Dessen makes Annabel a thoroughly likeable person even as she comes to see that she has built her life on socially acceptable lies.

If you like teen fiction and girl stories with depth, pick this one up.

scratch

On the other hand, I was very disappointed in Jumping the Scratch, by Sarah Weeks. It’s well written. Has engaging characters. Most of all, it’s a book for 10 and up–younger readers–in which a boy protagonist copes with an incident of sexual…well, this part is hard to define–harassment? assault?

Like Annabel, Jamie Reardon leads a life complicated by relatives. He and his mother are living with and trying to care for his Aunt Sapphy who has lost her short term memory. Jamie is actively stuffing the memory of something that happened between him and Old Gray, the man who runs the trailer park where Jamie and his family live. The portrayal of their lives and of Aunt Sapphy’s disability is textured and well realized.

The secret comes out when Jamie’s quirky friend “hypnotizes” him and Jaime remembers an assault that appears to be only a hug, although he’s clearly traumatized by it. What gives? Then he tells the secret to his aunt because she has no short term memory so won’t do anything about it. But–tada!–she gets her memory back just before he tells her the secret.

You see what I mean? The story resolution, the way things work out, just doesn’t ring true for me. It feels like outsider fiction in that Jamie is acted upon by others, he is not the author of his own life. The resolution relies heavily on coincidence. I think a ten-year-old reader would respond with “Hunh?”

Readers are left never understanding what happened between Jamie and Old Gray. And how it comes to our attention is awfully confusing. Hypnosis? By a ten-year-old playing magician? This part seems informed by the experiences of adults in therapy not by the realities of a boy living in the same trailer park as his perp.

Maybe I’m reacting to the pry-the-lid off aspect of the hypnosis, but it’s as if Jamie has to be tricked to move forward. I never see him as a person with strength to draw on or the ability to make things better for himself. Classic victim.

Maybe I am missing something here. Did you have a different reaction to this book? I’d love to hear about it.

the challenge

I do have some idea of what the author was up against in trying to publish a book for kids under twelve that addresses sexual abuse.

As an author, you try to tell a story that is honest and relevant to the lives of young readers. With difficult topics, you need to be clear and specific–but you don’t want to be so graphic as to traumatize a child new to the subject or retraumatize survivors. It is a delicate line to walk. Then there’s the whole maze of adults to deal with, the editors, publishers, marketing managers, reviewers, librarians, bookstore owners and parents who stand between a children’s author and her readers. Adults can get uneasy about things that kids can handle fine.
In 1985, I faced many of these challenges when I wrote Promise Not to Tell specifically for 7-10 year olds. Despite all my efforts, the two publishers marketed it for “12 and up” because they thought it would not be seen as appropriate for younger readers, even though we all knew how pervasive sexual abuse is among younger kids.

My hat is off to Sarah Weeks for writing for this age group. I just wish I could enthusiastically recommend her book.