Strong At The Heart

For a book that was published on a mainstream young adult list, Strong at the Heart is having a very interesting trajectory.

A friend just sent me a copy of a long review that was published in the current issue of The Therapist, the bi-monthly journal of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists.

Since the book came out I’ve been hearing from therapists who have given it to clients–both young and old. So I am especially pleased about this review. One therapist told me that the photographs have a huge impact because they counter the fear and shame that keep so many people from being able to talk about their own experiences of sexual abuse. Another told me that she suggested a young client read Tammy’s story, but the girl chose to read Sheena’s instead because she thought Sheena was cool. The result was still what the therapist had hoped for, her client was able to talk first about Sheena’s experiences, then about her own.

When I first conceived the book, I saw it as a way for survivors to speak directly to other survivors–and I imagined this encounter happening anonymously in school and public libraries. That Strong is becoming a tool in therapists’ toolbox is a great bonus. It means that the stories reach even more readers.

Here’s the last paragraph of the review in The Therapist, by Carly Perlman, M.A., MFT:

“Strong at the Heart is a wonderful and empowering collection of survival experiences of sexual abuse. It should be included in the resources for young adults and adolescents who have struggled in recovery from sexual abuse. Any reader will likely see a part of their own experience reflected in one of the stories. It demonstrates the reality for survivors of sexual abuse: It isn’t an easy path of healing, but it is attainable.”

in person

One of many sweet encounters on my trip back east was breakfast with a reader who has been corresponding with me since shortly after the book came out. He and his wife took me out to breakfast the morning after I arrived in Burlington. Yes, his wife. He’s a grown man and a grandfather! We ended up in a rich three-hour-long conversation that spanned our many experiences and expanded my understanding of how profoundly the stories of Akaya, Jonathan, Tino, and the others affect the lives of people I never imagined when the project began.

Arrrgh! Blog spam got me!

A week ago, this site started getting nonsense posts from addresses at blader.com. Then the spam became these flattering little missives. “Great site. Wish mine was a good.” More blader.com addresses so I knew they weren’t for real. Now they are coming from yahoo and other addresses and advertising everything from investment to porn.

This is why the comments at this site are moderated, so you don’t have to wade through this kind of junk. But for now I’m turning off the “comments” capability until the spammers get tired of sending me their rubbish. If you want to communicate with me–or add a comment to the blog–email me from the contact page. If you indicate that you want to post, I’ll put your remarks on the blog.

Once it looks like the coast is clear, I’ll turn the comment capability back on. It’s all a learning experience.

I just got back from the most amazing three days! A friend and I went to Potter Valley, near Ukiah, California, for a workshop put on by the Center for Digital Storytelling.

We learned how to put together a 3-5 minute Quicktime movie using stills, video, voiceover and music. It’s going to take me a few weeks to get it all together, but I hope to post my story here.

My friend (also named Carolyn) told the story of her search for her grandmother, who died of breast cancer in the early sixties. She compared what she knew of her grandmother’s experience with her own early detection and cure.

The story I chose to tell was about how I coped with abuse as a child, how internalized stereotypes of sexual victims stood in the way of my healing, and how connecting with other survivors brought me through that to a deeper understanding of myself.

There is something so powerful about telling your story, putting words, images and music to it. Like Kelly in Strong at the Heart, I experienced that transition where you get a new perspective on your experience through the work of film making. (Her film, of course, was much longer and more professional. She received an Emmy for it.)

Other stories told in the workshop included a young woman’s search for her purpose in life, a love letter to a new bride, a poem that evoked the pain of homophobia in the African American community, and a lively story of four adult siblings who traveled around the country on Amtrak and got to know each other in a deeper and sweeter way.

Amy Hill is using digital storytelling for a very moving project with sexual abuse survivors called Silence Speaks. You can see other people’s digital stories at her site.

wikipedia revisited

Tony Sandal’s entry on literature dealing with pedophilia and sexual abuse is currently in a very good version, so I’m posting the link again. Just know that Wikipedia entries change and change, so there’s no guarantees. If you are looking for novels and nonfiction on these subjects it is currently a rich place to go.

Today is the launch of the first “blog carnival” I’ve participated in. You might want to check it out. Marj of Survivors Can Thrive pulled it together.

A blog carnival is a linking of blog pages on a related theme. In this case, child sexual abuse. You can find it at the carnival site index where you’ll find it under “Carnival Against Child Sexual Abuse. Or go directly to Marj’s site.

For the Carnival, she’s pulled together descriptions of about twenty five blogs and then provided links to particularly interesting posts. Catagories include Survivor’s Stories, Poetry, In The News, Healing and Therapy, Aftermath, and Advocacy and Awareness.

This blog is listed under Aftermath and the link goes to the discussion of the Black Oak Books event and what came afterwards, the discussion between a mother and a therapist that took place on this blog.

I’m still checking out the various sites. There’s some very good material here, including Dr. Deborah Serani’s excellent page of facts and tips for parents.

Marj will be doing a second edition in July, so if you have a blog yourself or know of one you want to nominate, be sure to contact her. Below the carnival entry (link above) you’ll find directions.

funny girl

A blog I want to nominate is the very funny–and very adult–Ethel’s Law by a survivor whose humor is biting, true, and occasionally over the top. This weekend Ethel’s entry is “Which Day Exactly ISN’T Father’s Day.” BTW, this is no fifth grader writing, no matter what she claims.

Marisca Hargitay, the actress who plays Detective Olivia Benson on NBC’s Law and Order: Special Victims Unit, has a sexual abuse/assault survivors support foundation The Joyful Heart. The youth friendly website is rich with information. If you look under “teens” there are several self-help, other-help, and stay-safe pages. And they have a program for survivors to go to Hawaii and swim with dolphins!

Strong at the Heart is listed and linked on their home page with a very nice write up. Thank you!

The Joyful Heart site is graphically beautiful, with the sound of water in the background, but it takes a while to load.

wikipedia revisted

Whoa! I just got an education in Wikipedialand. My son Ben and I were Skyping (he lives nine time zones away) when he went to Tony’s Wikipedia article and found that in the last few days it’s been hijacked.

Here’s what I learned about Wikipedia. Anyone can post an article. And anyone who wants can edit that article in any way. I guess this works as an exchange of ideas if a group of historians are contributing information on their speciality. Or if micro biologists are comparing research. But when something political comes up it can become a battlefield of opposing ideas.

What is happening to the article and book list is that some pedophile apologists jumped on it and edited it to a totally different end. That started a posting frenzy. Tony’s been posting back. The article changes several times a day. But I can’t really recommend it anymore. I’ve taken down the link on the my blog post below, and added a cautionary note there, too.

If Tony sends me a link to his original article, which was excellent, I’ll post it here for you.

So if you are curious, go to the Wickipedia site, but bear in mind what’s going on. You can look at the history of the article to see how it is all unfolding. Do understand that it is no longer “survivor safe.” Some of the “consensual” adult/child sex stuff is creepy from the viewpoint of someone who knows what the long term damage can look like.

Several pages just got updated on this site. Reviews has new online honors, interviews, and reviews posted. There are three new recommended books up, including a forthcoming novel by Chris Lynch. And the link partners page has some great sites added. Oh, and I expanded the bio page because people were lifting the first part to paste into articles, fliers and programs, but it had nothing about Strong at the Heart or this website in it!

survivor magazine

Here’s a new approach to survivor activism and communication. A survivor named Melissa is publishing an e-magazine, using her skills and experience in magazine design. The articles in Survivors Hall of Success are short, inspiring, and mostly about activism and aspects of healing including self image.

One of the cover articles on last week’s issue (number 22) was about Strong at the Heart.

You can subscribe by e-mailing Melissa at ReadyToGrow2005@yahoo.com.

There’s a cool thing coming up. On Tuesday, May 2nd, at 9 a.m. PST, Jessie Dylan will interview me about Strong at the Heart on his show, The Good Life. You can hear it on Sirius Satellite Radio 114 or listen on the Internet. Canadians can listen on sevral station across the country.

For a week following, it will be archived online.

Here’s a little taste of what I saw in Boston last week. Pretty amazing, isn’t it, when spring does hit?

photo by Rick Birkenshaw

This image is pulled from a postcard, but it really did look just like this with magnolias blooming like crazy and the tender green of new growth everywhere.

We finally had a sunny day here. Peter and I rode bikes inland and halfway up Korbel Hill. I’m working back into it.

I’ll post a photo from the Black Oak Books event below. But first, here’s something just for fun. Akaya (cover girl) is one of my book buddies. While I was in the Bay Area she turned me on to a YA series that I just love. If you want to read a swashbuckling, escapist story about an irrepressible young woman, check out Bloody Jack by L. A. Meyer.

It’s the early 1800’s and starving street urchin Mary “Jacky” Faber masquerades as a boy to get work as a cabin boy on a British man o’ war. Jacky is a survivor in every sense of the word. She even fends off a pederast onboard ship (remember, he thinks she’s a boy). Actually, she does more than fend him off, she stabs him with her shiv and pushes him overboard. Things get complicated when she enters puberty but Jacky finds a way to deal with every dilemma except the huge crush she develops for one of her shipmates. It is really fun reading about an active, physical girl who just has to be herself. The details about sailing ships and life two hundred years ago are fascinating.

satellite radio

More good news: I just talked with the producer of The Good Life Show with Jesse Dylan. I’ll be interviewed about Strong at the Heart live with call-ins on Tuesday, May 2nd, at 9 a.m. Pacific Time. You can listen live on the web and on Sirius Channel 114.

black oak

Here we are after the book presentation. That’s Arturo (chapter 6) on the left, me, Akaya, and then Maria and Staci who are mentioned in Akaya’s story as important to her healing. In the background you can see Nancy Rubin who wrote Ask Me If I Care: Voices of an American High School.

The photo is by Pia Torelli who is an amazing photographer. For a visual treat, check out her website with journalistic as well as events photos.

The live chat at Connect for Kids came off without a hitch. What a rush! People’s questions popped up on my computer screen, I keyed in answers as quickly as possible and sent them off.

The readership was great. Folks from all over the U. S. logged on and asked great questions. I got to most of them before the hour was up. You can read the transcript for yourself.

For the second time in less than a week and in a public forum somone raised the question of divided loyalites in sibling sexual abuse situations. This is such a tough issue and one I wish I could have covered in the book. I did do a dynamite interview with a young woman whose two older step brothers abused her, but for legal reasons I could not print her story. There’s so much more that needs to be done in this area. And we can have that discussion here. I can recommend Sasian as a resource and Carolyn Coman’s Bee and Jacky as a novel that explores some of the emotional territory.

If you have any doubts about the importance of putting a public face on healing from abuse, do check out the comment at the bottom of the Black Oak post below. A mother wrote in after the event with a very moving personal story of the impact of that night.

Pictures of the California events are coming, I promise. But today is my niece’s birthday (observed) and we are going to spend the day on a photo shoot.

Free Radio Santa Cruz is a pirate station–no license, not call letters, but a loyal following locally and on line. To get to the studio, Evelyn Hall drove through residential streets, parked, and lead me around the back of an unmarked bungalow. The ground was soggy from the heavy rain and hail we’d had an hour earlier and I was glad I had clogs on. We clattered down concrete steps, then ducked into a standard issue basement, complete with old mattresses propped against the wall and piles of soggy looking cardboard boxes.

The studio was deep in the basement, behind a well defended plywood door with three large bolts on the inside. Evelyn told me they’d been raided by the police before. Radio studios are a jumble of wires and flashing lights, but this one looked like it could be disassembled and moved on short notice. We sat at the console under a big pirate flag.

Ann Simonton of Media Watch, introduced us on the air and then Evelyn took over. She started the conversation by asking about the prevalence of sexual abuse and WHY we haven’t been able to stop this from happening to our kids. We had two full hours of on air time to explore these question and many others and to talk about the stories in Strong at the Heart.

What a luxury it is to have so much time. I’ve had radio news interviews as short as 5 minutes and as long as an hour and a half—with listeners calling in. You can get a lot across in a short amount of time, if you choose your words well.

But two hours? We were able to talk about the back stories of the making of the book. About why I chose the stories I did out of the nearly three dozen interviews recorded over the five years. We explored what it means to come out as a sexually abuse survivor. And why some mothers do not support their children when they tell.

apologia

During the last fifteen minutes of the show Evelyn told listeners that they could call in. Unfortunately, we were both so wrapped up in the conversation that she forgot to flip the switch that allowed for incoming calls. So if you are one of the people who tried—I am so sorry. I did catch a call at the end off air and it was good to hear from a listener who had so much to say herself.

After the radio show, the two of us had lunch downtown. Evelyn is a counselor in my old high school district and runs the Safe Place program for teens. One of her groups is just beginning to read and discuss Strong at the Heart.

Jenner

Tonight’s the book event at 7:30 at Bookshop Santa Cruz. Last night I had dinner with Jenner, whose story is the first chapter of Strong at the Heart. So many people have asked about the song she wrote about the rape was fourteen. She’s planning on bringing her guitar and singing it at tonight’s event! Here’s your chance to hear her: Bookshop Santa Cruz, 7:30 p.m.