Strong At The Heart

Wow, what a night!

At dinner, before I was to speak on Strong at the Heart at Black Oak Books in Berkeley, Akaya said, “You’re not eating very much, honey.” I wasn’t. She and Staci and Maria, who were all about to present with me, were laughing and playing around with a plastic chicken that lays bubblegum eggs. I had that cold, shocky feeling when the body says, “In thirty minutes you’re going to have a microphone in your face and you’re going to be talking to a room full of strangers about sexual abuse. I’m not sure I’m down with this.”

At the bookstore, Jeremy had transformed the main floor into a seating area by moving the center bookcases and tables to the side. The projector was set up. And there were all those empty chairs.

Then people came. My college roommate Judy, Jeanne Pimentel who planned a party for afterwards, Arturo–and I hadn’t seen him since I photographed him drumming for the book!–Tif Renee the designer of this website, Aya de Leon of Youth Speaks, and so many other people. These weren’t strangers.

I was born in Berkeley, even the people I don’t know looked familiar.

Lewis Klausner began with a thoughtful introduction, saying that child sexual abuse is not just the concern of survivors, but of everyone. That this is our human problem and one we have to talk about, understand, and solve together.

I always start off nervous, but when it comes to telling the stories and showing the pictures, I get so into them that it feels like I am being carried by a swift, sure current. I do love my work. This time I chose to speak about Jonathan and Sheena’s stories because they both complimented and contrasted with what came next.

And that was a living part of the book: Akaya and her support group. The three women talked about the thirteen years they have been meeting and how they supported each other through the healing process and on into the rich, full lives they lead today. As they talked, they lived their words. They were spontaneous, loving and funny. They radiated health. You could see the joy, and also the depth of understanding and connection that they have acheived.

The audience asked great questions and the discussion flowed over into the store afterwards. Eventually I made my way down the street to the restaurant where Jeanne had set up a party. Okay, I am not going to describe the party, but I am going to say that the people who came were an an amazing group of articulate, insightful and earnest individuals. And totally open about abuse and discussing the whatever aspects of the evening interested them, from giving voice to young survivors to exchanging personal stories to talking with Arturo and Akaya about what it was like to be in the book.

It was a sweet and savory experience, the whole evening. And I am so grateful that we could do it together. Thank you all.

Here we are after the presentation. That’s Arturo (chapter 6) on the left, me, Akaya, and then Maria and Staci. In the background you can see Nancy Rubin who wrote Ask Me If I Care: Voices of an American High School.

The photo is by Pia Torelli who is an amazing photographer. For a visual treat, check out her website with journalistic as well as events photos.

Free Radio Santa Cruz is a pirate station–no license, not call letters, but a loyal following locally and on line. To get to the studio, Evelyn Hall drove through residential streets, parked, and lead me around the back of an unmarked bungalow. The ground was soggy from the heavy rain and hail we’d had an hour earlier and I was glad I had clogs on. We clattered down concrete steps, then ducked into a standard issue basement, complete with old mattresses propped against the wall and piles of soggy looking cardboard boxes.

The studio was deep in the basement, behind a well defended plywood door with three large bolts on the inside. Evelyn told me they’d been raided by the police before. Radio studios are a jumble of wires and flashing lights, but this one looked like it could be disassembled and moved on short notice. We sat at the console under a big pirate flag.

Ann Simonton of Media Watch, introduced us on the air and then Evelyn took over. She started the conversation by asking about the prevalence of sexual abuse and WHY we haven’t been able to stop this from happening to our kids. We had two full hours of on air time to explore these question and many others and to talk about the stories in Strong at the Heart.

What a luxury it is to have so much time. I’ve had radio news interviews as short as 5 minutes and as long as an hour and a half—with listeners calling in. You can get a lot across in a short amount of time, if you choose your words well.

But two hours? We were able to talk about the back stories of the making of the book. About why I chose the stories I did out of the nearly three dozen interviews recorded over the five years. We explored what it means to come out as a sexually abuse survivor. And why some mothers do not support their children when they tell.

apologia

During the last fifteen minutes of the show Evelyn told listeners that they could call in. Unfortunately, we were both so wrapped up in the conversation that she forgot to flip the switch that allowed for incoming calls. So if you are one of the people who tried—I am so sorry. I did catch a call at the end off air and it was good to hear from a listener who had so much to say herself.

After the radio show, the two of us had lunch downtown. Evelyn is a counselor in my old high school district and runs the Safe Place program for teens. One of her groups is just beginning to read and discuss Strong at the Heart.

Jenner

Tonight’s the book event at 7:30 at Bookshop Santa Cruz. Last night I had dinner with Jenner, whose story is the first chapter of Strong at the Heart. So many people have asked about the song she wrote about the rape was fourteen. She’s planning on bringing her guitar and singing it at tonight’s event! Here’s your chance to hear her: Bookshop Santa Cruz, 7:30 p.m.

I just pulled in to Santa Cruz an hour ago after what became–what with heavy traffic in Santa Rosa and a dinner stop in San Francisco–a nine hour drive, the first leg on my mid-California one week book tour. The highlight of the drive was crossing the Golden Gate Bridge into the city in late afternoon, golden sunlight.

Tif Renee, who designed this site, has updated the calendar page with specifics so that if you are in Santa Cruz/Berkeley/Davis area you can find where I’ll be speaking over the next few days.

Tomorrow Evelyn Hall will be interviewing me on Santa Cruz Free Radio from 10-12 PST and you can listen in from their web streaming page. When I retrieved my email a few minutes ago, I found out that an old friend and her daughter are in Santa Cruz this weekend and plan to come to the event at Bookshop Santa Cruz. Two of the people I interviewed for the book and Laura Davis, who write the introduction, will be there, too. It is starting to feel like a party.

Right now I have my fingers crossed that the weather will calm down. If it’s a good day tomorrow, I plan to go diving, my first time in the Pacific.

Right now, though, bed is looking really good.