that kind of day
Today was an in between kind of day. I’m back from travel for the book. Haven’t solidified upcoming appearances for summer or fall yet. There’s a stack of short writing assignments on my desk.
The sky was half fog (to the east), half sunshine (to the west). I jumped on my bike in the late morning and rode out through farm land towards the coast, just taking it easy and feeling the sun on my arms and face. I passed the calf I saw being born a few days ago; he’s on his feet—as he was twenty minutes after birth–but looking fully at home in this world now.
At the boat ramp I got off, lay on my back near the river’s edge, listened to the water flowing by, and watched the clouds forming and teasing apart over my head. I’ve too many ideas for books already. But a new one came, beautiful, full blown. I can taste it, practically hold it in my hands, turn the pages, and read the words already written.
I knew that when I got home I’d have a pile of commitments to work on, so I took my time riding back, noticing the wildflowers coming out, soaking in the green of the new pastures and the warmth of the sun.
Insead of tackling that stack on my desk, I sketched out the introduction for the new book idea.
courtney said,
March 26, 2008 @ 11:21 am
your site helped. but when you 17 years old and you have been molested my the man who was going to adopt you. your world shatters all around you. i talk about it write about it. and cry it out. it doesnt matter. it happend and nothing is going to change that. i just hate when justice wasnt served. the man who hurt me and my sister got off the hook. yeah he sees a theripist, but thats all.and the judge acted like he didnt care. he said if i knew it was going to keep happening why did i put my self in the situatation. funny… what was i supose to do. i lived with him. now that i wasnt adopted and now am in foster care. life couldnt get any worse. eventually you just want to give up..
Carolyn Lehman said,
March 27, 2008 @ 1:27 pm
Dear Courtney–
My heart aches for the injustice that you—and so many of us—endured.
What I hope this site, and the book, can say to you is “Don’t give up!”
So many survivors I know, myself included, have felt as you do. The majority of the people interviewed for the book were suicidal at one point or another in their lives.
The key thing is that they held on. They kept telling until they got help that REALLY HELPED. (That means telling friends, family that you trust, social workers, school counselors, parents of friends, other survivors, therapists, pastors, pets, etc.) And then they kept working on healing.
Don’t let the unjust justice system stop you from healing your own life.
There is an and to abuse, to the depression and isolation that often follows, to the feelings of helplessness and rage.
Finding this website means that you are already reaching out. Keep it up. Someday you will look back and be amazed at the distance you will have come. And you will appreciate the courage that it took to survive your childhood and to live the life of your own choosing.
Carolyn