Comments on: what came of Black Oak http://strongattheheart.com/blog/2006/04/08/what-came-of-black-oak/ A Book for Teens & Adults Tue, 06 Jan 2009 01:20:47 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.3 By: Carmela Wenger http://strongattheheart.com/blog/2006/04/08/what-came-of-black-oak/#comment-19 Carmela Wenger Wed, 19 Apr 2006 02:28:59 +0000 http://strongattheheart.com/blog/?p=22#comment-19 Hi T, Thank your feedback. I really related to your metaphor about glass coming out of your feet. It speaks so vividly to the process. One of the hardest parenting experiences is tolerating your children's pain. Their concept of time is so different from our own that what they told us last week is already ancient history. We, on the other hand, are still reeling from it. For us it just happened. Your daughter's reaction to the opinion of others speaks volumes about the progress she has made. She has such a strong sense of herself that she is immunized against the disapproval of others. She knows who she is and what she can accomplish and what is her truth. Other people's thoughts can be interesting. However, their opinions do not disturb her well being. I'm so glad for her. Take care, Carmela Hi T,
Thank your feedback. I really related to your metaphor about glass coming out of your feet. It speaks so vividly to the process. One of the hardest parenting experiences is tolerating your children’s pain. Their concept of time is so different from our own that what they told us last week is already ancient history. We, on the other hand, are still reeling from it. For us it just happened. Your daughter’s reaction to the opinion of others speaks volumes about the progress she has made. She has such a strong sense of herself that she is immunized against the disapproval of others. She knows who she is and what she can accomplish and what is her truth. Other people’s thoughts can be interesting. However, their opinions do not disturb her well being. I’m so glad for her. Take care, Carmela

]]> By: Carolyn Lehman http://strongattheheart.com/blog/2006/04/08/what-came-of-black-oak/#comment-18 Carolyn Lehman Sat, 15 Apr 2006 00:33:29 +0000 http://strongattheheart.com/blog/?p=22#comment-18 Dear T. Wow. This must be hard for you. I can identify with the dissociative feelings you have when the subject comes up. I think you're doing great. Your daughter sounds like a wonderful person. I'm so glad that she felt ready and able to support her friend in taking action on the ongoing abuse. Dear T.

Wow. This must be hard for you. I can identify with the dissociative feelings you have when the subject comes up. I think you’re doing great.

Your daughter sounds like a wonderful person. I’m so glad that she felt ready and able to support her friend in taking action on the ongoing abuse.

]]> By: T. http://strongattheheart.com/blog/2006/04/08/what-came-of-black-oak/#comment-17 T. Fri, 14 Apr 2006 10:33:02 +0000 http://strongattheheart.com/blog/?p=22#comment-17 Thank you Carmela for the very insightful twist. I've been trying to understand the wait and the concept that she thinks less of herself and that I would too. It fits well because as she has grown and become more confident in herself she feels better about who she is and less concerned with what other think about her. Her levels of happiness have dramatically improved in the last few months. Even when she was grounded off the computer for a failing grade she has sailed through it, being very accountable and undramatic about it. In the last week she found she knew another survivor at school (they confided in one another) who actually gained the courage to tell the school counselor, from talking with my daughter, that she and her family were being abused by their father (Terrible physical abuse, not sexual. The rape was an outside incident). From our conversations since last week, I can tell how relieved she is to unburdened by the secret. I however am still reeling. I find myself feeling like I'm "checking out" when the conversation turns to this with her (just twice this week). And I have to fight to maintain my presence and attention with her. All the wounded places start coming forward, like old bits of broken glass pushing out the bottoms of my feet. Anyway, thank you. T. Thank you Carmela for the very insightful twist. I’ve been trying to understand the wait and the concept that she thinks less of herself and that I would too. It fits well because as she has grown and become more confident in herself she feels better about who she is and less concerned with what other think about her. Her levels of happiness have dramatically improved in the last few months. Even when she was grounded off the computer for a failing grade she has sailed through it, being very accountable and undramatic about it.

In the last week she found she knew another survivor at school (they confided in one another) who actually gained the courage to tell the school counselor, from talking with my daughter, that she and her family were being abused by their father (Terrible physical abuse, not sexual. The rape was an outside incident).

From our conversations since last week, I can tell how relieved she is to unburdened by the secret. I however am still reeling. I find myself feeling like I’m “checking out” when the conversation turns to this with her (just twice this week). And I have to fight to maintain my presence and attention with her. All the wounded places start coming forward, like old bits of broken glass pushing out the bottoms of my feet.

Anyway, thank you.
T.

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